wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
