I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize