oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
