You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
