sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
