She is in my trunk
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
