i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
