my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
