this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
