Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
