Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
