and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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