Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
