pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
