It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
