she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
