dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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