Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
