sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Barsexuality is the new black.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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