this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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