Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize