my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
