Got a toothbrush?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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