you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
