Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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