Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
