Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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