Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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