I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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