I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
