I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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