"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
