just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
