i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The cops high fived after they tackled you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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