oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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