He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i dont even know how to be here
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
