I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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