Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
