he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
