hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We have started to decorate penises.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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