Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
