Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
