is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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