He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
