So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
