I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
