His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
