he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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