So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
