It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it glows. i had to have it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
