I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
