WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
