if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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