The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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