I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
