and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
