the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
