Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
