i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
