Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
