Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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